It's weird.

I can't really describe how I've been feeling lately. For some reason, I have days where I feel like the entire world is conspiring against me, trying to make me get in an accident, trying to upset me, make me angry, and all sorts of things of that nature. Other days, I feel like this "entire world" is laying off, and giving me a break. I guess, when I put it that way, it's not really the "entire world", but moreso "life" itself. I did notice this though:

It rarely ever, and when I say rarely, I mean rarely ever, works in my favor.

It makes me wonder. What the hell are we all pushing for? I mean, it may be a bad idea since I'm actually in college now, but why?. I've been through a month and a half of college, almost two now, and I already feel like I know this isn't for me. The hard thing about feeling like this is that everyone I know has scared me into thinking that this is the only way I'll be happy. The only way I'll be able to survive. Money = happiness, right? Or is it, money = security = comfort = happiness?

But, before all that, college = money. So, in some way, shape, or form, I have to go to college to be happy. That's kind of weird, and for some reason, I don't think this is the way I'm going to go.

To be honest, I feel like I'm going to pull another Oxford. I'm going to end up failing because I'm just too lazy to do anything.

Where does my motivation lie? Music? No, I'm not good enough. I'll never make it. Skating? No, that's for kids and I need to be a grown-up now. How about running? Yeah! I can be an athlete. Oh, wait. I quit. I can't depend on something I actually like to do. That's absurd.

It's one thing to be 40, and realize that you let go of your dreams. It's an entirely different thing to be 18, and see yourself letting go of your dreams, passions, and hopes. It's fucking sad.

Death isn't when a man's life ends. Death is the moment a man's dreams die.