Awesome

I spend every December thinking about what I've done wrong.
I still haven't forgiven myself for anything.
Every December is bitter-sweet because I still pretend I'm on Santa's list.
It seems I break more and more bonds with people every year.
How many more years will I have until I'm so alone that I no longer have even the slightest acquaintance with someone?
I haven't enjoyed my own birthday since I was a kid.
I find everyone else's birthdays much more enjoyable.
I wish I could enjoy something nice for myself without feeling terrible.
I don't even know why I'm writing this.
I'm not even sure why I'm crying, but I am.
I'd like to catch a break.
Maybe just some time without feeling stressed and cornered.
That'd be a great birthday present.
Too bad that can't be a gift from a person.
I just wish that life would leave me alone for a while.
I'm not as happy as I think I am.
Maybe I've just been lying to myself.




I'm kicking out fiercely at the world around me. What went wrong?