2:30 and I can't sleep.

Hmm. I spent the whole Christmas season thinking about how bad this year had been, and all that went wrong. I spent all my time being pessimistic. I never stopped to think about all that went well. I really hate human nature, you know? I wish I would appreciate what I have instead of lamenting over what I don't acquire. It bugs me when I do that, or when others do it too. I hate to hear, "blah blah blah this is wrong," or "blah blah blah I can't go on" even from myself.

but, part of my New Year's resolution is to be grateful for what and who I have.

In essence, be happy with what you've got because you don't know what you have until it's gone.

Gotta love it.

I really want to say some things. I don't know what though. I've been bothered by a lot of things lately, so I think I'll make a list of pet peeves. It's not really for you, but for me. I need to figure out what really pushes my buttons. I'm usually super relaxed, so it's kind of hard to figure things like this out on my own.

I really hate it when:
- people say they'll do something, then bail out.
- people call me and fall asleep really fast.
- people sleep around. So trashy.
- people vote, but don't know jack about what they're voting for.
- people don't understand how the electoral system works, then complain about it.
- stupid people don't shut up because chances are, they're wrong.
- Freshmen and Sophomores join Track just to get out of P.E. I make them run more for it.
- girls try to be super obvious and get your attention.
- girls play stupid games.
- guys use girls.
- girls use guys.
- the good die young, and the bad get everything.
- assholes always get the girl.
- you finally realize that nice guys do finish last.
- people you love do things you hate.
- I can't let certain things go.
- I can see through someone's facade, but others can't.
- I beat myself up for things that I don't control.

And I really hate it when I wake up in the middle of the night and let everything that bothers me get 10 times worse.

Now, there are a lot of things that bug me, but a lot of things make me happy.

I love it when:
- people smile.
- I make others happy.
- I get to go out and skate.
- I write an awesome riff, or lyric that gets stuck in my head.
- I learn how to do something that has eluded me for a long time.
- I get to sit down and watch everyone else do something.
- I can sit in the middle of everyone's merriment and just enjoy the feeling.
- I can cuddle with someone special.
- I get kisses from someone who has been eating ice.
- I get better at things.
- I restart something I gave up long ago.
- I see couples who are genuinely happy.
- friends are happy, and nothing else matters.
- little kids laugh.
- little kids smile.
- little kids look up to me.
- I get to teach or play with kids.
- puppies jump on me.
- others learn that we all just need to slow down, take a step back, and relax.
- I slow down, take a step back, and relax.

And, I really love it when people are nice to each other.

Have you ever...

had that feeling where you feel awesome about yourself? Just, that one moment of glory for you? For whatever reason, the world's eyes seem transfixed on you and it's finally at the right time. I love that feeling. I've had it once, maybe twice. I just read a bulletin with the question, "What's your favorite feeling?", and right away, I thought of league finals last year. I felt like a million bucks. I always think back to running at night, under those stadium lights, having people scream and shout trying to root me and the other runners on. I remember feeling like I was going to let the whole team down, then deciding not to. It's like a rollercoaster of emotions, pain, happiness, and astonishment all in under a minute. I'll never forget it. I don't know why all this made me want to post a blog, but it did. Either way, it makes me proud. I may not be good at many things, but I have those moments. Those relays, live songs, and skate jams that will always live on in my memories.

It really is an amazing feeling.