Am I supposed to keep my mouth shut?

I'm an honest person. I appreciate honesty. But, do I tell you how I feel and break your heart, or do I let it slide and leave it at this? Either way, someone gets hurt. I just think my pride is a more capable victim.

I don't know what I want to say.

Who would think it? Not even 20 years old, and I see songs in everything. One day, I'm going to release all of them. Some day, everyone will hear every song I've ever written. Every spiteful word. Every witty pun. Every last bit of it. When that day comes, you'll all know where you stand. Some of you better get the fuck out of my way.

Watch the world

You know, you can get away with anything if you're pretty. It's crazy how we let people get away with murder, so long as they're pretty. I've done it enough times to know that even I let the good looking ones do whatever they want.

I broke down two days in a row. At times, even I'm amazed by how depressed I can be, but I'm just as blown away at how happy I can be.

I know I write a lot of depressing things, and I never write about what makes me happy. If I do, it gets nowhere near as much time or effort as the sad stuff. That doesn't mean I'm not happy. I just don't feel the need to vent when I'm happy.

I wanted to write more, but all I can think about right now is running, and kickflips.

I do want to say this: All I do these days is watch the world.

This is just how it is.

This is the 24th day in a row I've gone to bed feeling terrible. Some days, there are reasons. Other days, I'm just paranoid. I had a bonding with two people the other day. One of them still lied to me. I don't know how to stress this enough. All I'm asking for is some honesty. If you can't be honest with me, then we're obviously not good friends, are we? If anybody should have trust issues, it should be me. If anybody should have anger issues, it's me. If anybody should have depression issues, it's me. Nobody knows what I'm going through. And, not a damn person has cared enough to ask. Not my parents. Not my "friends". No one.

What sucks isn't that no one will be honest with me or that no one's cared to ask me how I feel about anything; what sucks is that I'm really starting to not care at all anymore.


I feel like I'm growing apart from everyone. I don't feel comfortable anymore. Hell, I don't even know my so-called friends as well as I thought I did. What I hate is how everyone knows everything about me, and I don't know a damn thing about anyone.

Erin: Don't you dare say he's not hitting on you. If this doesn't stop, then I'll end it myself. For our sake, I hope you set him straight.
Jonathan: This isn't a damn game. Quit talking like it's no big deal.
Ryan: We sat there and had a heart to heart. All three of us. And I find out, yet again, that the truth was withheld.
Jesus: I honestly think you only talk to me so I'll give you rides. Most of the time, that's all you ever talk to me for. To think, I sat there with you through damn near everything, and all I am to you is a ride to wherever.
Bryan: We've been off-ish lately. Both my mistake and yours.
Kim: I don't think you meant a thing you said.
Taylor: Promise me you won't let yourself get hurt by this.

To everybody else: You know, I try really hard to be nice, and not one of you has ever asked me how I feel about anything.

Anyway, I have practice at noon. Chances are I'm going to feel like shit tomorrow. It's all the same, at this point.

I really hate to say this, but to whoever reads this: Fuck you.

Today, I played music

I mustered up some solo I didn't know I could do. I took influences from so many things I couldn't even begin to list them. Today was intense, in a bluesy sense.

Hey, look. I'm even rhyming now. Nice.