I don't think anyone reads this anymore. I shall find a new way to vent!
If I can get a splitter, and a mic, I'll record songs all day. Birthday gifts? :]
Anyway, this will probably be my last post. Later.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
Let's be honest. Sounds good to me.
"Gum" - So so so long ago. People say you never really got over me, but I think you just find me aesthetically pleasing. I'll never really know, and I'm sure you'll never be completely honest about it to anyone, so what's the use in trying to find out, you know? I know that a bunch of people have their issues with you, but no one's perfect, and we've come to be pretty cordial to each other.
"White Out" - You were the one girl who I couldn't ever really get around to being straight up with. Not that you were anything super special, or different. I was 12-13, and I just didn't really know what to do. For some reason, I had it stuck in my mind that girls became different in junior high and I wasn't supposed to understand them. Then, I realized that at the end of the day, we're all just people. Too bad we never really became friends. I really do hope life's treating you well though.
"Ball" - Haha. Everyone talks about how hot you were/are/have become/whatever. I find it kind of odd how we managed to break up and almost never speak again. Then, bam. Junior year, we talk, and everything's cool? How odd. And, what up with the whole rival thing? It makes me want to ask you if he ever tells you stories about me, but at the same time, I really don't care. He and I are so alike, it's stupid. I guess I'm glad we never really let our relationship get too far though. I wouldn't be where I am right now.
"Sun" - Holy shit. You were such a bitch to me. I put up with you for so long, and all my friends watched as you tore me apart. What's worse is they tried to help me, but I was just so damn attached. I'm pretty sure I had to be somewhat of a masochist to do that for so long, but whatever. What I always fail to mention is how you did kind of save me at one point. I'll never be able to thank you enough for helping me. Whether or not you were genuine in your intentions, it was all the same to me. You were good to me for a while, regardless of the cheating. So, even though I'll always remember you as the ruthless, cold-hearted, cutthroat bitch; you'll always be the ruthless, cold-hearted, cutthroat bitch who saved my life.
"Speedy" - I liked you. You liked me. I was down. You were way too shy. Turns out, we became pretty good friends, and you always seem excited to see me, so maybe it's a good thing nothing ever happened. I'm really sorry about your heart, and if I didn't use mine so much, I'd give it to you in a heartbeat. God knows you'd do much more with it than I ever could. God speed, kiddo.
"12am" - We had such a huge falling out. To this day, I'm still sorry. I know you've gotten past it, but just know, if you ever read this that is, that I've never forgiven myself. Although you love something that I abhor, you're still a nice person. Let's get to know each other again.
"Food Coma" - We don't talk anymore. You don't care, nor do I. It's sad really. Even aside from the relationship thing, we really clicked. I was hoping you'd be one of the few friends who I could always run to, considering you understand change as much as I do. But, what's different between us is that even though we've both changed, I still reach out to those I don't see anymore. I don't blow them off after getting their hopes up for 5 months. I get the feeling that you think I still have feelings for you. You have no idea how much I want you to know I only wanted to be your friend. As desperate as I may sound, I was just so broken because you blew me off. You didn't even care.
"Dance" - You're cute. You're nice. You're really fun. But, you're way too straight-forward. How shady was it that you just so happened to break it off with your boyfriend just after you met me? Still though, you turned out to be a good friend. You were really cool about it too. I'm not sure why, but you were. Sorry about the 1090 thing though.
"Hot Head" - Goodness, they said you were obsessed. I saw it too. But, I'll be honest. I really liked you. You were everything I was looking for at the time, and you were a blast. But, honestly, YOU'RE FUCKING CRAZY.
"Green Belt" - You are the only girl who has ever asked me to Sadies without me having to say anything. That's probably one of the sweetest things anyone's ever done for me. You may not have done anything special, and it was super last minute, but still, you asked. Thank you.
"Capital Lights" - You had me all mixed up for a good three days. I mean, it's not a long time, but it definitely is when you only have two weeks together. I knew you liked me even though you had a boyfriend. I didn't care. I just wanted to be friends. I'm glad we are.
"Elmo" - We had a pretty strong connection, but you were way too young for me. It's a good thing nothing ever happened between us, but you did save me from something pretty bad. Thanks for that. Oh, and I'm still really sorry for getting your hopes up. I hope you'll be able to forgive me.
"Warped" - We did have a connection. We did have something that was kindasortamaybe special, but it really wasn't. You were fucked up, and apparently I was just a trophy to you. How dare you hurt him. How dare you use me. How dare you act like you're better than the rest of us. Go to hell.
"Peach Rings" - You should have asked me.
"Bipolar" - You go through your phases of being totally in love with me and completely hating me. You need to realize that I'm not your boyfriend. We're just friends. You're a good friend, but don't let that fool you into thinking that I'm going to forget about my girlfriend for you.
"Sigh" - I chose that name for you because it can be taken in both a positive and negative way. Somedays, you make me hate everything about myself and being alive. Others, you make me feel like I can take on the world. What can I say though? You're the greatest girl in the whole world. I don't care what you think. You're sweet, considerate, smart, beautiful, and just about any other positive word I can think of. We fight, but who doesn't? I just hope I can be the one you're waiting for, because damn it. I love you.
"White Out" - You were the one girl who I couldn't ever really get around to being straight up with. Not that you were anything super special, or different. I was 12-13, and I just didn't really know what to do. For some reason, I had it stuck in my mind that girls became different in junior high and I wasn't supposed to understand them. Then, I realized that at the end of the day, we're all just people. Too bad we never really became friends. I really do hope life's treating you well though.
"Ball" - Haha. Everyone talks about how hot you were/are/have become/whatever. I find it kind of odd how we managed to break up and almost never speak again. Then, bam. Junior year, we talk, and everything's cool? How odd. And, what up with the whole rival thing? It makes me want to ask you if he ever tells you stories about me, but at the same time, I really don't care. He and I are so alike, it's stupid. I guess I'm glad we never really let our relationship get too far though. I wouldn't be where I am right now.
"Sun" - Holy shit. You were such a bitch to me. I put up with you for so long, and all my friends watched as you tore me apart. What's worse is they tried to help me, but I was just so damn attached. I'm pretty sure I had to be somewhat of a masochist to do that for so long, but whatever. What I always fail to mention is how you did kind of save me at one point. I'll never be able to thank you enough for helping me. Whether or not you were genuine in your intentions, it was all the same to me. You were good to me for a while, regardless of the cheating. So, even though I'll always remember you as the ruthless, cold-hearted, cutthroat bitch; you'll always be the ruthless, cold-hearted, cutthroat bitch who saved my life.
"Speedy" - I liked you. You liked me. I was down. You were way too shy. Turns out, we became pretty good friends, and you always seem excited to see me, so maybe it's a good thing nothing ever happened. I'm really sorry about your heart, and if I didn't use mine so much, I'd give it to you in a heartbeat. God knows you'd do much more with it than I ever could. God speed, kiddo.
"12am" - We had such a huge falling out. To this day, I'm still sorry. I know you've gotten past it, but just know, if you ever read this that is, that I've never forgiven myself. Although you love something that I abhor, you're still a nice person. Let's get to know each other again.
"Food Coma" - We don't talk anymore. You don't care, nor do I. It's sad really. Even aside from the relationship thing, we really clicked. I was hoping you'd be one of the few friends who I could always run to, considering you understand change as much as I do. But, what's different between us is that even though we've both changed, I still reach out to those I don't see anymore. I don't blow them off after getting their hopes up for 5 months. I get the feeling that you think I still have feelings for you. You have no idea how much I want you to know I only wanted to be your friend. As desperate as I may sound, I was just so broken because you blew me off. You didn't even care.
"Dance" - You're cute. You're nice. You're really fun. But, you're way too straight-forward. How shady was it that you just so happened to break it off with your boyfriend just after you met me? Still though, you turned out to be a good friend. You were really cool about it too. I'm not sure why, but you were. Sorry about the 1090 thing though.
"Hot Head" - Goodness, they said you were obsessed. I saw it too. But, I'll be honest. I really liked you. You were everything I was looking for at the time, and you were a blast. But, honestly, YOU'RE FUCKING CRAZY.
"Green Belt" - You are the only girl who has ever asked me to Sadies without me having to say anything. That's probably one of the sweetest things anyone's ever done for me. You may not have done anything special, and it was super last minute, but still, you asked. Thank you.
"Capital Lights" - You had me all mixed up for a good three days. I mean, it's not a long time, but it definitely is when you only have two weeks together. I knew you liked me even though you had a boyfriend. I didn't care. I just wanted to be friends. I'm glad we are.
"Elmo" - We had a pretty strong connection, but you were way too young for me. It's a good thing nothing ever happened between us, but you did save me from something pretty bad. Thanks for that. Oh, and I'm still really sorry for getting your hopes up. I hope you'll be able to forgive me.
"Warped" - We did have a connection. We did have something that was kindasortamaybe special, but it really wasn't. You were fucked up, and apparently I was just a trophy to you. How dare you hurt him. How dare you use me. How dare you act like you're better than the rest of us. Go to hell.
"Peach Rings" - You should have asked me.
"Bipolar" - You go through your phases of being totally in love with me and completely hating me. You need to realize that I'm not your boyfriend. We're just friends. You're a good friend, but don't let that fool you into thinking that I'm going to forget about my girlfriend for you.
"Sigh" - I chose that name for you because it can be taken in both a positive and negative way. Somedays, you make me hate everything about myself and being alive. Others, you make me feel like I can take on the world. What can I say though? You're the greatest girl in the whole world. I don't care what you think. You're sweet, considerate, smart, beautiful, and just about any other positive word I can think of. We fight, but who doesn't? I just hope I can be the one you're waiting for, because damn it. I love you.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Haha.
So, I've noticed that I tend to use the word "weird" in the titles for a lot of my posts on here.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
It's weird.
I can't really describe how I've been feeling lately. For some reason, I have days where I feel like the entire world is conspiring against me, trying to make me get in an accident, trying to upset me, make me angry, and all sorts of things of that nature. Other days, I feel like this "entire world" is laying off, and giving me a break. I guess, when I put it that way, it's not really the "entire world", but moreso "life" itself. I did notice this though:
It rarely ever, and when I say rarely, I mean rarely ever, works in my favor.
It makes me wonder. What the hell are we all pushing for? I mean, it may be a bad idea since I'm actually in college now, but why?. I've been through a month and a half of college, almost two now, and I already feel like I know this isn't for me. The hard thing about feeling like this is that everyone I know has scared me into thinking that this is the only way I'll be happy. The only way I'll be able to survive. Money = happiness, right? Or is it, money = security = comfort = happiness?
But, before all that, college = money. So, in some way, shape, or form, I have to go to college to be happy. That's kind of weird, and for some reason, I don't think this is the way I'm going to go.
To be honest, I feel like I'm going to pull another Oxford. I'm going to end up failing because I'm just too lazy to do anything.
Where does my motivation lie? Music? No, I'm not good enough. I'll never make it. Skating? No, that's for kids and I need to be a grown-up now. How about running? Yeah! I can be an athlete. Oh, wait. I quit. I can't depend on something I actually like to do. That's absurd.
It's one thing to be 40, and realize that you let go of your dreams. It's an entirely different thing to be 18, and see yourself letting go of your dreams, passions, and hopes. It's fucking sad.
Death isn't when a man's life ends. Death is the moment a man's dreams die.
It rarely ever, and when I say rarely, I mean rarely ever, works in my favor.
It makes me wonder. What the hell are we all pushing for? I mean, it may be a bad idea since I'm actually in college now, but why?. I've been through a month and a half of college, almost two now, and I already feel like I know this isn't for me. The hard thing about feeling like this is that everyone I know has scared me into thinking that this is the only way I'll be happy. The only way I'll be able to survive. Money = happiness, right? Or is it, money = security = comfort = happiness?
But, before all that, college = money. So, in some way, shape, or form, I have to go to college to be happy. That's kind of weird, and for some reason, I don't think this is the way I'm going to go.
To be honest, I feel like I'm going to pull another Oxford. I'm going to end up failing because I'm just too lazy to do anything.
Where does my motivation lie? Music? No, I'm not good enough. I'll never make it. Skating? No, that's for kids and I need to be a grown-up now. How about running? Yeah! I can be an athlete. Oh, wait. I quit. I can't depend on something I actually like to do. That's absurd.
It's one thing to be 40, and realize that you let go of your dreams. It's an entirely different thing to be 18, and see yourself letting go of your dreams, passions, and hopes. It's fucking sad.
Death isn't when a man's life ends. Death is the moment a man's dreams die.
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