valerinooo (8:52:02 PM) : alright sorry my internet
valerinooo (8:52:06 PM) : is stupid
valerinooo (8:52:08 PM) : but
valerinooo (8:52:16 PM) : you say your life is good
valerinooo (8:52:19 PM) : but emotionaly
valerinooo (8:52:21 PM) : its not.
valerinooo (8:52:31 PM) : Oamr G (8:43:30 PM): I wouldn't mind being that guy that no one really ever cared to know because he's not interesting at all if it meant leading a life with less pain.
Oamr G (8:52:37 PM) : Yeah.
valerinooo (8:52:39 PM) : well
valerinooo (8:52:43 PM) : if it were that way
valerinooo (8:53:00 PM) : wouldnt you probably be thinking the other way around
Oamr G (8:53:33 PM) : If I knew me, I wouldn't.
valerinooo (8:55:09 PM) : no no no
valerinooo (8:55:37 PM) : pain is the result of teh fall
valerinooo (8:55:46 PM) : mayb eyou're doing something
valerinooo (8:55:48 PM) : wrong
Oamr G (8:56:06 PM) : Everyone knew that I wanted to be asked to Sadies.
Oamr G (8:56:09 PM) : But, no one.
Oamr G (8:56:16 PM) : Not even my own girlfriend asked me.
Oamr G (8:56:26 PM) : You know, I had my first meet this past Saturday.
Oamr G (8:56:32 PM) : My coach took me off the 4x1.
Oamr G (8:56:45 PM) : I sat there from 7:30 to 5:30 doing nothing.
valerinooo (8:56:59 PM) : why!
Oamr G (8:57:00 PM) : And, when my race is getting ready to start, my coaches decide that we're leaving.
valerinooo (8:57:01 PM) : did he take you off?
valerinooo (8:57:08 PM) : aw =[
Oamr G (8:57:10 PM) : I didn't even get to run.
Oamr G (8:57:46 PM) : I let out some steam and rambled for a while, and all I got was, "Dude, relax. It's not a big deal."
Oamr G (8:58:00 PM) : No one knew, or cared to know about how much this meet meant to me.
Oamr G (8:58:08 PM) : My parents weren't even in town.
Oamr G (8:58:41 PM) : but, I still went to the choir show and cast party because they wanted me there.
Oamr G (8:58:46 PM) : I was so tired, but I went.
Oamr G (8:59:09 PM) : When I got back from the meet though, I went to my car, and just cried.
Oamr G (8:59:13 PM) : I broke down.
Oamr G (8:59:18 PM) : Today, I broke down again.
Oamr G (8:59:29 PM) : I really can't keep doing this.
Oamr G (8:59:43 PM) : For a while, I was crying every night.
Oamr G (8:59:59 PM) : And, I thought that after a while, it was done with.
Oamr G (9:00:07 PM) : I'm still sad.
Oamr G (9:00:14 PM) : Everything goes wrong.
Oamr G (9:00:35 PM) : And, I wish I could do something about it besides whine because I know that it drives people away.
Oamr G (9:00:39 PM) : But, I can't.
Oamr G (9:00:41 PM) : I just can't.
Oamr G (9:00:50 PM) : I hate being this sad.
Oamr G (9:00:56 PM) : It's ridiculous.
valerinooo (9:01:05 PM) : i hate you being this sad too
valerinooo (9:01:31 PM) : it really does seem like you've been getting hte short end of the stick
valerinooo (9:01:54 PM) : but stop thinking bad bad bad, wrong wrong wrong. like i know
valerinooo (9:01:59 PM) : it probablysucks
valerinooo (9:02:01 PM) : but
valerinooo (9:02:04 PM) : just think
valerinooo (9:02:16 PM) : its your last year of high school
valerinooo (9:02:22 PM) : is it everything you thought it to be?
Oamr G (9:02:46 PM) : Yes, and no.
Oamr G (9:02:58 PM) : I always prepare for the worst, and hope for the best.
valerinooo (9:03:08 PM) : hmm
Oamr G (9:03:12 PM) : But, no matter how much preparation I go through, I'm never ready.
valerinooo (9:03:15 PM) : how does that work
Oamr G (9:03:18 PM) : It always hits harder than I prepare for.
Oamr G (9:03:46 PM) : It's like living in Kansas, and building a badass tornado shelter, but hoping it'll just be sun and rain all year.
valerinooo (9:04:42 PM) : hmm
valerinooo (9:04:45 PM) : that makes sense
valerinooo (9:05:05 PM) : so you dont get
valerinooo (9:05:07 PM) : a tornado
valerinooo (9:05:08 PM) : you get
valerinooo (9:05:11 PM) : somethign worse?
valerinooo (9:05:31 PM) : like idk
valerinooo (9:05:49 PM) : it seems like a lot of seniors are totally not living right now theyre alll sad or upset abouta lot of things
valerinooo (9:06:08 PM) : like its not very promising
valerinooo (9:06:41 PM) : i dont get how you can shoot so high
valerinooo (9:07:02 PM) : and prepare for the worst
valerinooo (9:07:05 PM) : at the same time
valerinooo (9:07:13 PM) : and you end up falling harder than you actually thought.
valerinooo (9:07:22 PM) : cus i dont think you can do both effectively
valerinooo (9:07:27 PM) : or anyone for tha tmatter
valerinooo (9:07:33 PM) : you're putting yourself in a tough situation
valerinooo (9:07:33 PM) : i think
Oamr G (9:07:40 PM) : The thing is, I'm not aiming high.
Oamr G (9:07:45 PM) : I don't expect anything from anyone.
Oamr G (9:07:55 PM) : But, that doesn't mean my hopes can't be crushed.
valerinooo (9:08:03 PM) : true
Oamr G (9:08:08 PM) : There's a difference between hopes and expectations.
Oamr G (9:08:18 PM) : I just never thought it would hurt so much just to hope.
Oamr G (9:08:42 PM) : It's like wishing upon a star, then watching that star fall and shatter to a million pieces.
Oamr G (9:08:53 PM) : A very disturbing, and unnerving sight.
Oamr G (9:09:06 PM) : I mean, she knew how much it meant to me.
Oamr G (9:09:10 PM) : And, all she did was talk.
Oamr G (9:09:25 PM) : She'd been talking about it since like, November.
Oamr G (9:09:31 PM) : And, didn't do a damn thing.
Oamr G (9:09:42 PM) : That kills me.
valerinooo (9:09:52 PM) : its not too late
valerinooo (9:11:14 PM) : maybe she couldnt?
valerinooo (9:11:19 PM) : financial?
valerinooo (9:11:25 PM) : time?
valerinooo (9:11:26 PM) : like
valerinooo (9:11:41 PM) : idk what you've guys talked about
valerinooo (9:11:42 PM) : but
valerinooo (9:11:51 PM) : i'm sorry you never got asked to sadies
valerinooo (9:12:05 PM) : if thats something you really wished would have happened
Oamr G (9:12:10 PM) : It's all I wanted.
valerinooo (9:12:18 PM) : =/
Oamr G (9:12:24 PM) : The only thing I couldn't do myself.
Oamr G (9:12:29 PM) : I don't ask much of others.
Oamr G (9:12:38 PM) : I go out of my way for people.
valerinooo (9:12:49 PM) : i know
valerinooo (9:12:54 PM) : and you care about others
valerinooo (9:12:55 PM) : a lot too
valerinooo (9:12:59 PM) : but when it comes to yourself
valerinooo (9:13:00 PM) : you get
valerinooo (9:13:02 PM) : nothing back
Oamr G (9:13:03 PM) : And yet, the one time, the ONE TIME I ask for anything, I get blown off.
Oamr G (9:13:08 PM) : And, I'm really sick of it.
Oamr G (9:13:15 PM) : I hate people.
valerinooo (9:13:19 PM) : no you don't
Oamr G (9:13:23 PM) : We're all so dispicable.
valerinooo (9:13:29 PM) : you love people
Oamr G (9:13:35 PM) : No.
Oamr G (9:13:43 PM) : I hope.
Oamr G (9:13:52 PM) : I just hope to find someone just like me out there.
Oamr G (9:14:11 PM) : I want to find that one person that's hurting just like me.
Oamr G (9:14:16 PM) : The one person who cares as much as I do.
valerinooo (9:14:18 PM) : there are lots
Oamr G (9:14:22 PM) : And, I want to give them a hug.
Oamr G (9:14:36 PM) : And tell them that I know what they're going through, and they're not alone.
Oamr G (9:14:48 PM) : Because, that's something I need.
Oamr G (9:14:54 PM) : Where's my Omar?
Oamr G (9:15:04 PM) : Everyone has one but me.
valerinooo (9:15:09 PM) : aw
Oamr G (9:15:09 PM) : And, I'm really jealous.
Oamr G (9:15:22 PM) : They make him sound so wonderful.
valerinooo (9:15:37 PM) : cause he is
Oamr G (9:15:46 PM) : If he is, why don't I have one?
valerinooo (9:15:49 PM) : he does so much for others
valerinooo (9:15:59 PM) : that everyone just takes him in
valerinooo (9:16:10 PM) : and dont notice his needs
Oamr G (9:16:18 PM) : Poor guy.
valerinooo (9:16:19 PM) : theyre pretty selfish
valerinooo (9:16:46 PM) : you'll find an omar
Oamr G (9:16:52 PM) : God, I hope so.
valerinooo (9:16:57 PM) : you'll have one for yourself
valerinooo (9:17:00 PM) : someday
Oamr G (9:17:11 PM) : I'm tired of waiting for someday.
Oamr G (9:17:29 PM) : I want to know what it's like to have someone care.
valerinooo (9:17:39 PM) : don't be afraid to love
Oamr G (9:17:43 PM) : I want to know what it's like for someone to go completely out of their way for me.
valerinooo (9:17:49 PM) : even if they don't seem to love or care about you as much or even at all
valerinooo (9:18:07 PM) : you open yourself up to others
valerinooo (9:18:12 PM) : but you just keep getting crushed
valerinooo (9:18:36 PM) : dont let anyone take you for granted. you show them what you have and who you are
valerinooo (9:19:05 PM) : dont let this change how you act towards ppl. cus im pretty sure they still want the caring Omar
Oamr G (9:19:49 PM) : My mind is selfish, but my heart just can't be.
Oamr G (9:20:05 PM) : And, I wish that sometimes, I listened to my head instead of my heart.
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