I just realized that there may never come a day where I don't hate myself. There may very well never be the day where I can stand to look in the mirror. It never occurred to me that there is a possibility that things won't get better, and that scares the shit out of me. The problem is I don't think it scares me enough to motivate me. I'm only afraid enough to let it happen.

Zacking.

I just can't help but listen to all the songs that have someone screaming out of key. It's not perfect by any means, but they have so much power and emotion that I can't take the headphones out of my ears.

There goes my career.

fuck, I'm tired.

I used to be an awesome listener.
But now I just drift and out or get pulled away by beats and measures
like I don' t have a choice but failure and running from a brighter future.


If only I had written that. 

So tired.

It's 7:04 in the morning, I woke up just a little while ago, and I have yet to start an essay that is due in three hours. Looks like I'm missing Critical Thinking again. Oh, darn. These blogs don't really mean much anymore. About as important as a status on Facebook. I suppose what I have to say isn't as minuscule.

Erin, I love you.
Jonathan, I love you.
Jesus, I love you.
Taylor, I love you.
Zack, I love you.
Bryan, I love you.
Elton, I love you.
Lawrence, I love you.
Mom, I love you.
Dad, I love you. Happy belated birthday.

I guess I'm going to throw a shitty essay together, jump in the air and pray.

Me.

I really love how everyone and their mom thinks they know what's best for me. Dear everyone and their mom, please stop making my choices for me. I've spent my entire life knowing who I am, but none of you fucking jerks let me be me. I'm just trying to be myself, so please stop shoving the rest of the world down my throat.

Goodness

Is there some sort of "kick me" sign on my back? I tried really, really hard to just let what happened yesterday go and not worry too much about it. Yeah, you were being mean and snapping at me, and I understand that that happens some times. So, yeah, I let it go. But, today too? I mean, I'm sorry for not telling you when I probably should have, or not at all if that's how you see it, but that doesn't give you any right to be bitchy to me when I'm trying to say I'm sorry and help you with other things. What if I wasn't all right last night? Would you be bitchy to me then? I know, that's not a fair question, but you've been a real jerk to me in the last day or so. I'd really like an apology, or at least for you to treat me like I'm a person instead of some damned punching bag.

Is it bad?

I'm starting to hate everyone and every thing. I swear, I'm dreamin' of the Philippines and in these dreams, I never look back.