Sometimes.

Sometimes, I miss writing my "sometimes" blogs.

Sometimes, I miss hanging out with everyone, and knowing that we were all at least okay with each other.

Sometimes, things fall apart faster than you can say "I'm sorry", and that's the worst.

Sometimes, apologies mean nothing.

Sometimes, I wonder why everything isn't just "this or that".

Sometimes, I wonder.

Sometimes, I worry.

Sometimes, I cry.

Sometimes, I laugh.

And, sometimes, I feel pain like you couldn't understand because my morals and values get in the way of everyone's lives.

And, sometimes, I really don't know what to do.

But, I always, always, love.

Show me your heart, and I'll give you mine.

How does that work?

It bugs me when I see people who are jerks have stickers and signs that say "Coexist" on them. I'm all for relaxing and accepting everyone, but I find it counter productive when you preach coexistence, but you sit there and put others down or hurt them in some way. I wish movements weren't so trendy. When did euthanization become a fad? Why not wear cotton instead of salads? How can you coexist with others if you're not willing to be nice, or at least cordial? Why is it that we only hear things from extreme feminists, and not those who are moderate? I'm no saint, but I still have my values.

Really, dad?

I need to grow up? Sure, you're older than me, I get that. I'm not as mature or responsible as you are, but I'm just 18. Does the fact that I can go to jail make it so that I should have many more burdens? Just because I don't always clean my room at the first sign of it being messy doesn't mean that I'm irresponsible and immature. It seems that because I don't have a steady flow of money, I'm irresponsible and immature. I hate how you never commend me on being responsible. I could save the world, and I'd still be irresponsible. Just because you go to work instead of school obviously means that I don't know anything and I can't possibly understand how hard it is to survive. What more do you want, mom? It seems that once I turned 18, I don't have the right to be free anymore. Well, you're wrong. I need not clean my room all the time. I do have a grasp of how hard it is to live on your own. I am responsible. And, money doesn't equal power. It holds no weight with me, so take your job and shove it.

Love you, mom.

Love, Omar

I hope you're fucking happy.

Because I know I am.

:] Quickie, eh?

2:30 and I can't sleep.

Hmm. I spent the whole Christmas season thinking about how bad this year had been, and all that went wrong. I spent all my time being pessimistic. I never stopped to think about all that went well. I really hate human nature, you know? I wish I would appreciate what I have instead of lamenting over what I don't acquire. It bugs me when I do that, or when others do it too. I hate to hear, "blah blah blah this is wrong," or "blah blah blah I can't go on" even from myself.

but, part of my New Year's resolution is to be grateful for what and who I have.

In essence, be happy with what you've got because you don't know what you have until it's gone.

Gotta love it.

I really want to say some things. I don't know what though. I've been bothered by a lot of things lately, so I think I'll make a list of pet peeves. It's not really for you, but for me. I need to figure out what really pushes my buttons. I'm usually super relaxed, so it's kind of hard to figure things like this out on my own.

I really hate it when:
- people say they'll do something, then bail out.
- people call me and fall asleep really fast.
- people sleep around. So trashy.
- people vote, but don't know jack about what they're voting for.
- people don't understand how the electoral system works, then complain about it.
- stupid people don't shut up because chances are, they're wrong.
- Freshmen and Sophomores join Track just to get out of P.E. I make them run more for it.
- girls try to be super obvious and get your attention.
- girls play stupid games.
- guys use girls.
- girls use guys.
- the good die young, and the bad get everything.
- assholes always get the girl.
- you finally realize that nice guys do finish last.
- people you love do things you hate.
- I can't let certain things go.
- I can see through someone's facade, but others can't.
- I beat myself up for things that I don't control.

And I really hate it when I wake up in the middle of the night and let everything that bothers me get 10 times worse.

Now, there are a lot of things that bug me, but a lot of things make me happy.

I love it when:
- people smile.
- I make others happy.
- I get to go out and skate.
- I write an awesome riff, or lyric that gets stuck in my head.
- I learn how to do something that has eluded me for a long time.
- I get to sit down and watch everyone else do something.
- I can sit in the middle of everyone's merriment and just enjoy the feeling.
- I can cuddle with someone special.
- I get kisses from someone who has been eating ice.
- I get better at things.
- I restart something I gave up long ago.
- I see couples who are genuinely happy.
- friends are happy, and nothing else matters.
- little kids laugh.
- little kids smile.
- little kids look up to me.
- I get to teach or play with kids.
- puppies jump on me.
- others learn that we all just need to slow down, take a step back, and relax.
- I slow down, take a step back, and relax.

And, I really love it when people are nice to each other.

Have you ever...

had that feeling where you feel awesome about yourself? Just, that one moment of glory for you? For whatever reason, the world's eyes seem transfixed on you and it's finally at the right time. I love that feeling. I've had it once, maybe twice. I just read a bulletin with the question, "What's your favorite feeling?", and right away, I thought of league finals last year. I felt like a million bucks. I always think back to running at night, under those stadium lights, having people scream and shout trying to root me and the other runners on. I remember feeling like I was going to let the whole team down, then deciding not to. It's like a rollercoaster of emotions, pain, happiness, and astonishment all in under a minute. I'll never forget it. I don't know why all this made me want to post a blog, but it did. Either way, it makes me proud. I may not be good at many things, but I have those moments. Those relays, live songs, and skate jams that will always live on in my memories.

It really is an amazing feeling.