Whoa. Weird.

I wonder why the topic of "love and lust" keeps coming up in all aspects of my life. It's rather creepy. I mean, in my PLS class? Really? It just seems a bit off-topic, you know? At the same time, it's getting to that point in life where we're making that change from being kids to being people. I mean, yes, some of us are more mature than others, but honestly, no one takes us seriously. Well, they didn't at least. Now, it's choices here and there that will affect our lives in ways that we cannot yet foresee. That scares me. So, I guess, it only makes sense that this love/lust thing would come up now. I just don't know, to be honest. I've got a whole lot going on in my life right now, and I'm really happy with what I have, so I'm not going to screw that up.

I just wanted to ramble for a while. I was reading Lisa's blog, and it made me feel like writing. I haven't in a while.

I'm not going to lie.

"Winter" by Bayside. You should really check out the song. Well, for those who have that soft spot.

It's so weird.

I really didn't think this would happen, but then again, I saw it coming. It's college. How could I expect you to stay with all these new people, interesting guys, and fun parties just begging you to come? I can't. That's the thing. This is what you need, what you want, what you're getting, and what you deserve.

As for me, I'm going to college in two weeks. Meeting new people. New girls, new friends, maybe the occasional party, and something new. This won't be easy, but it's what I have to do.

On the upside, I now have tons of material to write songs about. Good, bad, mean, nice, whatever. I was just handed a giant figurative book of material.

Good bye. I guess it really wasn't "831 a&f" now, was it?

At any rate, I'll always love you, but this is it.

This just isn't working.

I don't even matter anymore.

It's just weird, you know?

***** (1:49:01 AM): It's just weird you know.

***** (1:49:37 AM): Staring down the barrel of a loaded gun, and you're telling the shooter that they'll be okay after they pull the trigger and you're gone.





And, this is all okay with this guy. I don't know how he does it, but at any rate,

respect.

Man,

how things have changed in my views of you. You used to be so great in my eyes, but just as you said about something else, you have lost your shine.

It may be that I'm just a bit sad, and bitter because of what happened, or rather, didn't happen, but either way, I just can't help but feel you're kind of full of crap.

All in all though, I'm really happy that things are going well for you.

This is just me venting, and remembering what could have been a good friendship.

This is my goodbye, my closure, my au revoir.

So so so so lost.

Pomona. It could be my new home. I don't even know. I feel so drawn to it. It pretty much has my name on a banner with a welcoming party and everything. Well, not really, but you get it. I just, I don't know. I'm so afraid to go. It's not even that far, but I'm really afraid. I don't want to end up not talking to my closest friends. At the same time, I don't want to be left in the dust after this is over and done with. I once had a friend who found the perfect school for them. I was really, genuinely happy for them. We said we'd keep in touch, and we would hang out on the holidays and such, but it never happened. Just a bunch of empty words. I can't say I really remember all that much about our friendship now.

I guess, what I'm trying to say is that I don't want to become that way with my friends. I don't want to be the empty words in a text message, or on a computer screen. Maybe, I already have.
I don't know if I can take this step, even if it's what is best and what I want. I just, I don't know.

I really don't.