It always makes me feel better when...

People I used to think were cute, see me and tell me that I've gotten better looking. It's always like a big "suck it" they throw in their own faces. Plus, it's not too bad for the self-confidence.

Bam.

It's 2:30 in the morning. I have class in 7 hours, which means I have to be up in 5 or so. Stayed up late again, but because I am genuinely sad. Legitimately, genuinely, undoubtedly sad. And, there's nothing I can do about any of this. At least, not right now.

Someday soon though. I'll break it. I'll break you, and you. However either of you chooses to break will be up to you, but you know why I'm so sad, and why I'm going to be this way.

I'm sorry you just don't get why I do these things.
I'm sorry you don't care why.
And, I'm sorry it's not what you want.
But, I'm most sorry for the fact that I'm doing this for you, and you don't care to do a thing for me.

Maybe, someday, you'll learn. And, I hope the next person will be as caring as I was.

-

Thanks for ruining my day again.

Sometimes.

Sometimes, we all need a pick-me-up.
Sometimes, it comes from within us.

I realized something. I may suck at school, at life, and just about anything anyone can say about me. I will give you that. But, the day I die, something amazing will happen. Why? Because when something bad leaves this world, something just as bad will take its place. And, in my case, something amazing will happen. I've spent absurd amounts of time trying to make an impact on everyone. I've tried to be as good a person as I could.

So, whoever is going to take my place when I'm gone, I hope you find our job easier than I did. And, I'm sorry for what you're going to go through.

Erin

I know this is going to sound sarcastic, given the circumstances, but here goes.

I never really thanked you for everything you've done for me. Thanks for being there when my parents weren't. Thanks for hearing me out when no one else would. Thanks for comforting me when I didn't have anywhere to turn. And, in a way, thanks for helping me grow up. For the longest time, I just couldn't get past what you did. I'm not reprimanding you, I'm just saying. But, after all this time, I'm finally over it. I feel like I've grown from that experience, no matter how long it took me. So, really. Thanks for that. I couldn't stress that enough.

I will always love you. Always.

831 A&F. *points at self**heart**points at you*

Even though we're mad, and we won't say sorry, I'm sorry this didn't work. I love you.

I can't explain the depth of it because I've never had to describe anything remotely close to it, but I love you with all of my heart.

Just so you know, I'm sorry for being a dick sometimes. And, I'm sorry I didn't say it earlier.

I love you.

Dear Mom.

I love you, and I always will.

But, it's taken me this long to realize that I can't talk to you anymore. What's worse is that you'll never try to listen to what I have to say to tell you that you're hurting me, or that maybe you're being a jackass. I'm not perfect, but I listen to what you have to say. And, you know that I don't listen to you just because you're my mom. I only listen to you because you don't listen to me. I figure if I can learn to listen to those who put me down, what else can they do?

All I can say is you pushed me too far this time, Mom.

Say goodbye to our talks, and the son who opened up to you.

Thanks for breaking me, Mom. Not that you'll ever really know, or care.

Love, eh. You know.

Here goes.

Dear life, you win.

I'm a cheater.

I lie as if my life depended on it.

I forget about everything and everyone.

Not much matters to me anymore.

I've lost my interest in skating.

I don't care to run anymore.

I don't even want to finish writing this blog.

I get hurt easily.

I see flaws in everything.

You're my best friends, but I absolutely hate talking to you guys about anything intellectual because you just make me feel inferior. Sorry for not being omniscient.

You know what I feel like right now?

A burden.

I'm sorry that I whine. I'm sorry I complain. I'm sorry I'm sensitive. I'm sorry that you all have better things to do.

But, if you can't accept that about me, then I don't need you. Any of you.